Life Changes
by ramonaflowersxoxo
Summary: Things changed as I stood on that dock. Feelings that I had suppressed for so long. I had to know what these feelings were, so I went with him and everything changed.


Chapter 1: First Impressions

Let me set the record straight. In the beginning I despised Kilgrave. I hated him for everything he made me do. He pushed me so far that I couldn't imagine coming back, but as we stood on the dock I realized that maybe, just maybe, I did feel something for him.

When he thought I was under his control he told me to smile and yes it brought back memories, but maybe he was right about me wanting to be with him. So, when he told me to kiss him, I did. Then I went with him. I thought that maybe this whole thing could work. If he knew that he couldn't control me and I still chose to come with him, maybe he would realize I did care about him, but I was wrong. After locking me in my designated room on his yacht he stormed off down the hall to reevaluate the situation.

I looked around the room, taking in the details. The scarlet walls held many pieces of art, most being modern landscapes, but they were all beautiful and full of color. The bed was covered in a black silk comforter that slid under my fingertips. On either side of the bed was a black stained oak nightstand with elegant carvings, the nightstands were part of a matching set that also went with the dresser and chest of drawers. The windows were covered with black black out curtains. Overall the room had a feeling of grandeur.

I sat on the bed and closed my eyes. I didn't know what was going through my mind when I got on this ship. I knew that he couldn't control me, but I still came of own accord. I left my cell phone, wallet, and keys at the dock. There was no way to get in touch with Trish, Malcolm, or Luke. I gave all of that up when I got on this yacht.

I opened my eyes trying to think of my next move. I knew I had to plan accordingly. Kilgrave was pissed and I was certain he had a staff of mind controlled people ready to do whatever demented things he told them to. I closed my eyes, broke the knob off the door and pulled the door open. After looking up and down the hall I made my way to the bar. I didn't want to make him any angrier than he already was, but I couldn't just sit in that room staring at the walls any longer. I crept up two flights of stairs before bumping into anyone.

As soon as the guy saw me he pulled out a gun and pointed it at his head. We stared at each other for a moment. I could see all the fear he couldn't express mirrored in those two gleaming eyes, begging me to say or do something.

"I just want to see Kilgrave," I started cautiously, "just put the gun down. Please."

The man grab a walkie with his other hand. "Sir, she's in the hall. She wants to see you."

The voice over the walkie sounded slurred. "Let her through, then get back to work."

The man put his walkie and the gun away, then walked off as if nothing happened. I grabbed my chest, trying to breathe. After taking a few deep breaths and collecting myself I placed my hand on the stair railing that led to bar and cautiously proceeded up the stairs. When I got to the top of the stairs I headed for the bar and sat next to the man who was in my head.

"What do you want, Jessica?", Kilgrave's English accent slurred.

"I wanted to talk to you," I responded vaguely, "I wanted you to know that you had nothing to worry about."

Kilgrave chuckled. "After all you have done, you expect me to trust you. I can't control you, I surely can't trust you when you can't be controlled."

"I know it's hard to believe, but you were right. Somewhere inside, I realized that I do care about you. I don't know when I started to realize it, but it's the truth. You don't have to believe it, but I'm not lying. I'm not here to manipulate you or hurt you. I just...wanted to be here," I answered quietly.

"I love you, Jessica, but forgive me if I don't believe you," Kilgrave stammered, looking at the bar.

"Will you come lie down with me?", I asked, looking at my hands.

Kilgrave looked at me and for a moment I saw genuine happiness in his eyes, but that happiness dissipated after that brief moment. "I don't think that's a good idea. Maybe tomorrow."

Then he walked away. I heard him going down the stairs behind me. I closed my eyes trying to hold back unnecessary feeling of neglect. I felt the pain of rejection deep in my chest and all I knew was that I wanted it to stop. I sat at the bar for what felt like forever before I gathered the courage to get up.

I asked the bartender for his best bottle of whiskey. After taking it I walked down the stairs. I needed to think. I needed to be close to him. I needed to let the past go. I needed...I needed...to sleep it off. I took the bottle of Johnnie Walker, sat on the railing and slid down the stairs to the floor. After reaching the bottom level I opened the bottle and took a gulp. I walked to my open door and headed straight for the chest of drawers. Upon opening the top drawer I found plenty of undergarments in my size.

Among the bras and panties there were many intimates that caught my eye. I was never personally a fan of lingeries, but he was. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If he really wanted to be with me he would accept me for who I was, not who he wanted me to be.

I took a long soothing sip of whiskey and the proceeded to sit on the nightstand before I took off my clothes and walked into the bathroom. After turning on the shower and stepping inside I let the water run over me. My tense body was finally loosening up, when my hand slipped on the knob, turning off the hot water. As the cold water fell, my heated body was shocked. I felt my body lurch and slam into the tiled wall. After observing the wall and noticing nothing was damaged, I moved to adjust the knob, turning the hot water back on. I bathed myself and stepped out of the shower, dried myself off and wrapped my body with the black towel that was set by the sink preemptively.

I walked back into the bedroom to the chest of drawers. I pulled out a black pantie and bra set. After digging through the other drawers, I found that some of the clothes were casual enough to be worn to bed. I grabbed a tee shirt from the bottom drawer and laid it on the bed. As I snapped the bra, I made my way to the nightstand where I sat the bottle of whiskey. I took a long chug and set the bottle back on nightstand, slid my panties on and pulled the tee shirt over my head and arms. It was a bit baggy, but comfortable.

My mind raced. I didn't know what to do to prove myself to him. I didn't want to come on too strong, but I knew that only a grand gesture would make him see things my way. I sat on the bed, closing my eyes. My chest burned. My head was feeling fuzzy. I couldn't think straight. Where did these feelings come from? How long had I cared about him? Did I love him? Could I love him? All of my thoughts were jumbled with the desire to be with him.

I opened my eyes. The Johnnie Walker sat lovingly on the nightstand. I grabbed it and took one last sip. I opened my eyes. The Johnnie Walker sat lovingly on the nightstand. I grabbed it and took another long sip, followed by another. I lay down on the bed, putting the cap back on the whiskey and laying it beside me. I closed my eyes tightly, thinking about everything that had brought me to this point in life. I remember how it felt to be controlled by Kilgrave, I always wanted to escape his control, but somewhere inside I secretly loved it. All of these thoughts came to the surface. Everything striking different nerves.

I shook my head and opened my eyes, sliding my frigid body under the silk comforter and sheets. I looked around the room once more before turning off the lights. I felt my eyes growing heavier and my mind begin to drift to the dark, unknown reaches of my mind.


End file.
